September 11, 2017

Making Our Kids A Priority Without Making Them Our Identity

As moms, our kids are our world. Our kids should be a priority. I'm actually of the unpopular opinion that they should come after our spouses, but still, they should be one of the top priorities in our lives.

The problem is when they begin to shift from priority to identity. I see a lot of women who make their kids their everything, almost worshipping them. Maybe they are living vicariously through their kids. Maybe they need their children to make them feel validated as a person. Or maybe, with total pureness of heart, they've made martyrs out of themselves for the sake of their children. There is a fine line between the necessary sacrifices of motherhood and then complete martyrdom.

We are moms, yes. And that role is of the utmost importance. But womanhood is not defined by motherhood. 

We are beautifully complex, reflecting a complex God. God is a Father, but he is other things too: He is Love, Truth, a Son, a Spirit, a Helper, a Creator, an Author, a Savior...all of these traits and many more make Him Himself. To only define Him by His Fatherly role would be to miss out on all that He is.

We are mothers, but like our Creator, we are far more complex than that: we're friends, daughters, sisters, wives, CEOs, teachers, creatives, dreamers, readers, life long learners, ministers, entrepreneurs, comedians, athletes, bakers...but above all, we are Image Bearers. We need to stop solely defining ourselves by our children and our role as mothers. It's just as damaging to our children as it is to us. When we find our identity in our children, it does one of two things: 1. It teaches them that the world revolves around them 2. It puts unnecessary pressure on them to always keep us happy (that is NOT their job!) We don't want to add to the mix of entitled kids who think it's their parents job to keep them constantly entertained and happy 24/7. On the flip side, it is not our children's job to fulfill us emotionally and make us feel worthy and whole. You were worthy and whole before you became a mom. And you'll still be worthy and whole when your kids grow up and don't need you in the same way they once did. We can make our children our priority without making them our identity. Be a mom, but don't completely lose yourself being one. Self sacrifice is sometimes inevitable with motherhood...we know this well! Martyrdom is not.

So practice self care.

Find activities apart from your children that make you come alive.
Love on your husband.
Buy yourself the jeans that make your butt look good..without the guilt.
And please, for the LOVE, let your kids be bored!

Why am I writing this? 

Because I know how easy it is to start to lose yourself once you hold that precious little one in your arms. 

Because I want my daughter to have a strong mom to look up to, with the security of knowing that it's not her job to keep me happy.

Because I know that I am actually a better mom when I'm "Courtney," than when I am simply, "Jade's mom."

And finally, because I need this reminder more than anyone.

Thank you for reading! And please answer this question, because I want to know: What do you do for you?



  1. Love this! Not a mom, but a separation between yourself and any relationship/facet of your identity is so important. Thanks for sharing!

    1. YES! It really is true of any relationship!

  2. I'm not a mom, but these are great suggestions that I will make sure to keep in mind when the time comes:)

    1. For sure! But it's a good reminder for any relationship we are in.

  3. I needed to read this. Every mother needs to read this. Beautifully Put. Well Done Momma, Well Done!

    1. Aww thank you! I'm so glad you found it encouraging. I need the reminder ALL THE TIME. <3